Rid Yourself Of Toxicity
Want to be happier?
I wish I could tell you that you’ll read this blog and be happy by the time you are done. Unfortunately, that isn’t how life works. You can’t make a substantial change overnight, BUT you can start to make positive changes in small doses. Baby steps.
What I am sharing in this blog are some of those small steps you can take to improve your happiness, your surroundings & your general well-being. Everyone is different. Our approaches to life vary, that is what makes human nature so great.
When you hear the word “toxic”, what do you think of? To me, I immediately think about poison. Toxic is bad for you & it lingers. You can’t consume a toxic substance as it will lead to sickness or worse. I’m sure in reference to the word, “toxic”, you think about specific substances, gasses, etc., that you probably learned about in a past science class.
What about people? Words? Mindsets? Could those also be toxic? ABSOLUTELY!
For a very long time, I allowed a toxic environment to surround & consume me throughout my life. It wasn’t always bad, just something I thought was normal. I figured it was ok to associate with a person who is always negative. I figured it was normal to have words of negativity in my regular vocabulary. It wasn’t until I took a step-back on my life to see the big picture.
I was allowing daily experiences, negative people, and negative words impact my daily life. In early 2019, I decided that I was going to make a strong effort to rid myself, personally, of toxicity. I tooks small steps to remove certain negative aspects from my life. To be honest, I’m still in the process a year later. I made it my focus to eliminate:
Toxic Environments/Culture
Toxic People
Toxic Vocabulary
At the same time, I made an effort to continue surrounding myself with great people. Winners attract winners and that is exactly what I have tried to do. When I was young, my parents taught me the value of a network. Throughout my schooling and into college at Ohio University, my advisor, Dr. Andy Kreutzer, continued to push me to strengthen my network. It was in 2011 that Dr. Kreutzer called me into his office and had me create my LinkedIn profile. BOY OH BOY am I thankful for him. Creating a LinkedIn presence early in my life has helped me so much almost 10 years later, but I’ll let you read this blog to learn more on that topic. I’ve learned to value my network as much as I value my health & my family.
Back to toxicity. These changes were not easy changes to make, but they have been extremely helpful.
Toxic Environments/Culture
You are a product of your environment. If your surroundings don’t provide positive energy then you are setting yourself up for failure from the start. Is your bed made every morning? Is your house/apartment clean and well-kept or do you still have a take-out box sitting on your kitchen counter? The environment you live in is quite literally what welcomes each day & sends you off to sleep every night. If you aren’t taking care of your surroundings, it is naturally going to impact you personally.
Make an effort to surround yourself with things that make you feel good. Yes, work can be tough sometimes. School is hard. Life throws curveballs at you daily (especially in 2020). You've got two choices when faced with a challenge.
View it as a pessimist. Drown in negativity. Ruin your day.
View it as an optimist. Turn it into a learning opportunity. Make a plan to overcome the challenge. Win.
Toxic People
I’ll be as straightforward with this as I can. Very forward.
If you surround yourself with people who bring you down, drop them. At minimum, distance yourself from them. I am sure if I asked you to consider those who you interact with most often (not necessarily your closest friends, but those you surround yourself with), I am sure you could think of a handful of people who are naturally negative people. They either view the world as a pessimist, constantly talk negatively about themself & others or always just seem to have a negative comment to make about any situation.
These are the people who are going to bring you down. These are people you need to remove, distance from, or have a serious conversation with about their impact on you.
I tend to put those I interact with into 3 categories: Positive, Neutral & Negative.
Positive: This group of individuals are those who make your day better. They spread positivity so contagious that you can’t help but smile & feel good about yourself when you are interacting with them. When you see their name pop-up on your phone, you know it is going to be a great interaction. You feel better in their presence. You’re actively thinking about the next time you’ll see them and making your next set of plans with them.
Neutral: This group of individuals aren’t necessarily people that have you jumping for joy, but also aren’t people that make you wonder why you interact with them. This group might be the most important group of people you associate with because they will provide a healthy balance for you. It isn’t realistic to expect life to be sunshine & roses all day, every day, but the “positive” group can help keep you leaning that way. The neutral group keeps you grounded, and is a great justification for our next group, “negative”.
Negative: This group drags you down. The majority of the time, they are negative with a pessimistic outlook on life. They seem to be the ones who always have a comment to make about others. They are the ones who talk poorly about friends, family and see the negative in most situations. I am not a psychic, but I can GUARANTEE that you can think of a handful of people that you likely interact with daily, by choice, who fall into this category. This is the category that you need to make a decision on moving forward. If you want to see results in your own happiness, you need to audit this category of individuals.
Toxic Vocabulary
As I continued to implement this process into my daily life, I found my mindset every day was simply better. I’ve made a continued effort to remove certain words from my vocabulary. These are words that seem to carry a negative connotation with them. These are words like: “hate”, “no”, “can’t”, “won’t”, “impossible”, “sucks”, etc.
Most notable is what is referred to by my Rabbi, Jeffrey Myers as the “H” word. Shortly after the attack on my synagogue in Pittsburgh in 2018, Rabbi Myers became a notable figure for something he wish he didn’t have to be. He became a clear leader not only in the Pittsburgh community, but around the world. His stance on the “H” word helped to prompt my adjustment to the words I say, the things I do and the people I surround myself with.
Though I catch myself sometimes, I have absolutely noticed a difference in my general mindset ever since removing negative vocabulary from my daily life. This is a small adjustment you can make that will not only have a positive impact on you, but also those you interact with. If you remove negativity from your own tone, it will rub-off on others.
We all have high’s & low’s, what my grandfather refers to as Peaks & Valleys. If you ranked happiness on a scale from 0-100, with 0 being miserable and 100 being ecstatic, it’s not going to be realistic to be at 100 every day of your life, 24/7. On the other hand, a lot of people unfortunately feel that they are at 0 every day. The key is to find your balance. Take your mental temperature every day, multiple times a day, and get an understanding of where you are at any point in time. Next, ask yourself “why?”. Why are you feeling around a 45 today? Why were you at an 85 in the morning but by the end of the day you’re closer to 25? What happened?
Everybody is different with varying thresholds for the negativity they can withstand. I made it my focus, every day, to provide myself with a healthy environment by removing (or distancing) myself from negative people and by removing toxic words from my vocabulary. I have noticed a difference, though it has taken a lot of time. It is still a work-in-progress.
It is very possible. You need to be your own priority. If someone is bringing you down constantly, or is giving off negative vibes, remove them or distance them from your life.
I challenge you after reading this to focus your next 7 days on removing negative words from your vocabulary. Start small. Replace “hate” with “dislike”. Instead of saying you “can’t” or that something is “impossible”, ask yourself what is would take to overcome a challenge. Try to be less of a “no” person and find a way to get yourself to “yes”.
You’ll slowly find yourself feeling better, and it WILL rub off on others.
As a great mentor of mine told me, “kindness is contagious, cough on everybody”. (Disclaimer: Please don’t cough on people. You get the point.)
- Andrew
