Ghosting
As I was flying home from a trip in Arizona last week, I was scrolling through Twitter when I came across a tweet from Dan Marrazza. I did not originally follow Dan, but thanks to the algorithm and some mutual connections we have, I was fortunate to come upon this extremely relatable tweet:
“NEWS: All the accounts I receive of the #smsports community ghosting people are troubling…Frankly, it’s DISGUSTING. None of us would have jobs if someone hadn’t helped us….My DMs (direct messages) are open if any job seekers or students are looking for networking or advice…I WILL ANSWER.”
If you aren’t aware, “ghosting”, is a term generally used to describe a relationship of some sort that ends without warning without any communication. Sadly, this happens way too often in the professional world and as Dan said, it is disgusting. It can take an emotional and mental toll on someone who may need your assistance more than you think. You just never know.
I was able to think about similar experiences I have had around this issue, especially in the last year as I began to explore my next-steps in my career, which eventually led me to launching Andrew Exler Consulting. I had varying degrees of this experience that could be broken down into 2 different segments.
The first is the hiring managers and potential employers I did have conversations with. Some of my communications were more general conversations while others were interviews of some magnitude where I never heard back, even after multiple follow-up attempts. After spending the time and effort to put together a resume and cover letter in the hopes to just have an initial conversation, then to hear nothing back was troubling. It got to a point where I would research how long should you wait before following-up. After multiple follow-ups I would still hear nothing back. Eventually I stopped following-up. To this day, I still have never heard back from some hiring managers and there were some others who ended up waiting 2-3 months before letting me know they would not be moving forward with me as a candidate. I have no problem getting rejected for a role, however waiting that long is not right. If you are an employer and something comes up in your hiring process that causes your timeline to be extended, be open and honest with your candidates.
The second type of experience that I encountered way too often was the amount of outreach I would make. I attempted to simply connect with others in similar fields with mutual connections without any response from them. Even worse, I was fortunate to have wonderful people in my network who offered to introduce or “e-introduce” me to someone and after the initial introduction, I would get no response. Let me be clear, NOBODY OWES YOU ANYTHING. Once you can accept that, you will be much happier in life. However I found it to be very disheartening as I always make every effort possible to respond to any inquiries I receive, even if it is to kindly say I don’t think I could be of assistance to someone but wish them the best of luck. Similar to what Dan said, my DMs are always open and I WILL respond. Click here to contact me!
Although I don’t know Dan, I decided to reach out to him to connect a bit deeper and learn more of his background. This led to a great back and forth between the two of us, sharing various experiences around this topic.
I will keep this simple.
To the hiring managers and those of influence in a hiring process in a business: Please be courteous enough to keep your communication open to those who have applied or interviewed with you or your business. I will not accept “we receive hundreds/thousands of applications per day” as an excuse to leave someone out in the cold. If you are going to spend your time and money to hire the right person for a job, that is ok. It is also completely ok to reject a candidate from a role. Nobody in their right mind expects to get a job offer at every place they apply. However, it is NOT ok to leave candidates wondering where they stand. If they are not a right fit for a job, let them know. If they follow-up with you, especially multiple times, have the decency to give them a response of some sort. I had a friend a few months ago fly from Florida to Pittsburgh for a job interview, only to be left in the cold after their interview, never hearing back. Unacceptable. If you are a candidate getting ghosted, do you really want to work for someone like that anyways?
To those of you who receive a DM, LinkedIn message or general email from someone seeking advice or a simple (not spam) connection: Have the decency to respond, even if it is to say, “I’m sorry, I don’t think I will be able to help but I wish you the best of luck”. Let me repeat myself, NOBODY OWES ANYBODY ANYTHING! I will say it time and time again because there are so many people in this world who feel like they deserve something. Whether it is because of the school they attended, a job they have, who their parents are or anything in between, nobody is owed anything. Once you stop expecting things from other people, you’ll find yourself in a much happier situation on the road to success when the only person you rely on is yourself. However if someone values you enough to reach out, reciprocate that respect by acknowledging their outreach.
In a world filled with so much cruelty & hate, it is often forgotten how simple it is to be kind and respectful. I’ll leave you with the words of Pittsburgh’s own, Mr. Rogers:
“All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors—in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.”
- Andrew